A few days ago, I was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Not unusual feelings for many of us who have filled their lives up to the brim with tasks, responsibilities and commitments. And in addition to these things, topped it all off with issues concerning the heart and soul. At times I felt like screaming, and in the next moment, crying.
Maybe I was just hormonal.
As I've learned to do, I simply sat with my thoughts and emotions and asked myself some questions; about my truths, the way I walk through my life. And three themes came up: stress, planning and control. Stress is the easy one for me to handle. Take a walk, talk to a friend, play some uplifting music, practice yoga or just go sit in the sunshine.
Stress no longer plays a huge role in my life and I am so much better for it. Maybe the ability to deal with my stress is a result of my getting older, wiser, I'm not really sure. But whatever the reasons, I now recognize when I am headed down the stress highway, and I'm able to get off before to many miles pile up.
I'm a planner. A
big time planner! Always have to have a plan, for today, tomorrow, next week, and by all means, next month. If I don't have a plan for what I will be doing, how I will be spending my time and where I will be, I become a complete wreck of anxiety. The fear of the unknown is almost to much for me to take. But lucky for me, I've recently been able to stop so much of the forecasting I do about my life. I keep thinking of those people who fly a little bit more by the seat of their pants. Who just allow life to unfold as it will and embrace uncertainties along the path. I admire these types of people. Long to be more like them. Sure, having a plan is not always a bad thing, but when you find yourself almost paralyzed from moving forward because you don't have a plan, perhaps it is time to learn to plan less. Enjoy taking things slower and letting go of the strict script you've written for yourself. This one is new for me and I am determined to give it a go. To plan less, and just enjoy more the unfolding of a day, a week, a month, as it will.
Which brings me to control. Or more aptly,
controlling. Yep, along with being a planner, I've also been known to be
(even called a time or two) a control freak. I don't really consider myself freakishly controlling, but I will admit that trying to control, and feeling in control, of everything that is in my life and effects my life, is how I have lived for most of my life. Funny as it may sound, and even counter-intuitive, when I became a mother is when I first began to let go of trying to control. Let's face it, you can only control so much how fast a little 18 month old child will move when you are trying to get out of the house to make it on time to an appointment. Sure you can just pick them up in your arms and run out the door, but that never ends well for either of you. My point is, that when we try to control, we actually can find ourselves out of control. In our behavior, our thoughts and emotions. I'm exhausted from all this controlling. I'm letting it go. Washing my hands of the it. For that which I can control, I will. For that which I cannot, I will surrender.
Stress, planning and control can become a vicious cycle and a trap for how we live our lives. One leads to the other, which leads to the other. Well, I for one am getting of this bus. Jumping right off into the great big unknown. Into a life that flows more naturally and with ease. If these three themes have played over and over in your life too, maybe you would like to get off the bus with me, and together we can learn to stop and smell those flowers, watch birds fly, and learn to find more happiness and joy in our everyday lives.
Let go. Surrender. Find some peace.
Ann
